Joke of the Day



14 replies to this topic
  • Roostie_1

Posted August 28, 2001 - 09:55 PM

#1

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?" The cop answers, "You're in Pennsylvania son. When we pull you over,you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wish come true." The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say to your buddy, "I wish that a@#hole would've tried that sh*t with me!"

  • Roostie_1

Posted August 29, 2001 - 03:00 AM

#2

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a
full-length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in
front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror,
now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the
husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow,
then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your
breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and
stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long
will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops and asks, "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

The husband shrugs, "Why not, it worked for your butt, didn't it?"

The husband lived, and with therapy, might even walk again.

  • bjscheel

Posted August 29, 2001 - 04:27 AM

#3

Dave and Paul where freinds.

One day Dave went over to pauls house and pauls wife answered the door, she said that paul went to the store but he could wait if he wanted.
Dave was sitting in the house and said to pauls wife you know you have the most amazing breasts. I would give you a hundred dollars to see one. She sat there for minute and then said sure and show him one.

A few minutes pass and dave tells pauls wife he just can't stop looking at her. He then offers her another hundred dollars to see both breasts. She says sure why not and shows him both of her breasts.

They are sitting there and dave says that he can't wait for paul any longer so he leaves.
Paul comes home a little while later and asks his wife if dave ever showed up and droped off the two hundred dollars he owed him.

  • lewichris

Posted August 29, 2001 - 04:47 AM

#4

How can you tell if a cyote is polish??


Chews off three legs and he is still stuck in the trap.

  • Roostie_1

Posted August 29, 2001 - 08:21 AM

#5

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this
absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the
husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks
away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a
divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in
Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the
garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on
his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

  • Chris_Slade

Posted August 29, 2001 - 02:01 PM

#6

Roosite....you visiting askmen.com ??
hehe

------------------
'01 KTM 520 SX
'95 KX 250
AMA Dist 6 Member
Hare Scramble Class B #523

  • Steve_Claus

Posted August 29, 2001 - 06:23 PM

#7

Hey Roostie_1,

Keep it up...this is the kind of stuff we need around here once in a while. :)

Visit the ThumperTalk Store for the lowest prices on motorcycle / ATV parts and accessories - Guaranteed
  • Roostie_1

Posted August 30, 2001 - 04:03 AM

#8

I have a ton of jokes on file, I keep them obsessively as I never seem to be able to keep them on memory :)

  • Roostie_1

Posted August 30, 2001 - 04:09 AM

#9

A lady in her late 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called 'The Knob.' A small knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin, forever producing the effect of a brand-new facelift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Fifteen years later, the woman went back to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything had been working just fine. I've had to turn "The Knob" on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. However, now I've developed two annoying problems. First of all, now I have these terrible bags under my eyes and 'The Knob' won't get rid of them!"
The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts. You've turned 'The Knob' too tight!"
She replied,"Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

  • emcdan

Posted August 30, 2001 - 04:14 AM

#10

What do you call an Amish guy with his arm half way up a cows butt?


A mechanic...

  • Guest_Guest_*

Posted August 30, 2001 - 04:24 AM

#11

What does an elder and a Xmas tree have in common?

THEIR BALLS ARE FOR DECORATION "ONLY"!!!!!

  • Roostie_1

Posted August 30, 2001 - 05:12 AM

#12

Silicone babe walking towards a couple.
Wife: Those aren't real!

Husband: Niether was the Death Star, but it sure looked cool.

  • mikeolichney

Posted August 30, 2001 - 11:00 AM

#13

A man and his wife are getting ready to go to a costume party at Halloween. The wife starts to feel a headache coming on and tells her husband to go on with out her. "Are you sure, dear?" he says. "Yes honey, I hate to see you stay home on a Friday night because of me. Have a good time." And so the husband goes on alone.

After a while the wife's headache subsides and she begins to get curious about what her husband is doing at the costume party. She realizes that he has not seen her costume, but she knows his. She thinks about how slick a way this is to spy on her husband. So she dons her costume and off she goes.

When she gets to the party, she sees her husband, drunk as hell, dancing up a storm, pawing every cute girl in reach. Miffed, she decides that she wants to find out just how far he will go. Being pretty hot herself in her racy outfit, she dances up next to him, sticks her tongue in his ear, and says "You hot guy, why don't we go someplace a little more private?" He is all over that, they go out back into the bushes and have wild sex by moonlight.

She leaves and gets back in her car and drives home. Now she is pretty worked up but wants to see just what kind of lie he will concoct when he gets home. She gets in bed and waits.

He finally comes home and enters the bedroom. "So did you have a good time at the party, dear?" she asks. He replies, "Oh, you know me, I can't really have a good time without you. But it was OK, I guess"

"So what did you do, dear?" she inquires, letting him dig his hole a little deeper.

"Oh, I just went upstairs with John and the guys and played poker. No big deal. But the guy I lent my costume to sure had a hell of a great time!"

  • Roostie_1

Posted August 30, 2001 - 12:21 PM

#14

A dude from New York was transferred to a small frontier during the
settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that the town
was populated solely by men.

He asked one of the local cowboys, "What do you do when you get the urge
for a woman?".

The cowboy replied,"See them thar'sheep up on thet hill. We just go git us
one."

"That is disgusting and barbaric!!" replied the dude. After about 3 months
the dude could not stand it any longer. He decided though if he was going
to do a sheep, he would show these yokels how to do it right. He picked
out the prettiest sheep of the bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on
her, served her hay on a china plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and
then took the sheep to bed.

After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a drink.
He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm. The piano
fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys turned, and stared
in shocked disbelief.

The dude said, "You bunch of hippocrites. You look at me as if I'm some
sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm just doing
it with more class."

"That ain't the problem.", replied one cowboy, "That's the sheriff's gal
you're with."

  • Roostie_1

Posted August 31, 2001 - 05:06 AM

#15

The Indians

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new
chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian
Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets,
and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was
going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that
the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the
village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an
idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even
more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National
Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's
going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest
winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."





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