Republican/Democrat/Whatever Fun for those who are undecided



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  • Mike_in_Roseville

Posted November 09, 2000 - 03:57 PM

#1

#1 and #2 you decide

#1 Why did the chicken cross the road?
>>
>> VICE PRESIDENT GORE
>> I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now.
>> I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for
>> the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
>>
>> GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
>> I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give
>> the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let
>> go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
>>
>> SENATOR LIEBERMAN
>I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their
own
>way.
>Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied
the
>right to cross the road in their own way.
>>
>> SECRETARY CHENEY
>> Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they
>> wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help
>> crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road
myself.
>>
>> RALPH NADER
>Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers.
>Chickens
>aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the need for
these
>roads and
>then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them.
Down
>with
>the roads, up with chickens.
>>
>> PAT BUCHANAN
>> To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
>>
>> JERRY FALWELL
>Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain
>truth in
>front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what
>"they" call it -
>the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat
that
>chicken, you
>will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
>abomination that the
>liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other
side."
>That
>chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as
that.
>>
>> DR. SEUSS
>Did the chicken cross the road?
>Did he cross it with a toad?
>Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
>but why it crossed, I've not been told!
>>
>> ERNEST HEMINGWAY
>> To die. In the rain.
>>
>> MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
>> I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without
>> having their motives called into question.
>>
>> GRANDPA
>> In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
>> us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
>>
>> ARISTOTLE
>> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>>
>> KARL MARX
>> It was a historical inevitability.
>>
>> SADDAM HUSSEIN
>> This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
>dropping nerve gas on it.
>>
>> CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
>> To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
>>
>> FOX MULDER
>> You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens
>> have to cross before you believe it?
>>
>> FREUD
>> The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
>> road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
>>
>> BILL GATES
>> I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but
will
>lay eggs,
>file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet
>Explorer is
>an inextricable part of eChicken.
>>
>> EINSTEIN
>> Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
>chicken?
>>
>> BILL CLINTON
>> I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
"chicken"?
>> Could you define "chicken" please?
>>
>> LOUIS FARRAKHAN
>> The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed
>> the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
>>
>> COLONEL SANDERS
>> I missed one?
>
#2 Subject: Hot Air


A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, butI don't know where I am."
The woman replied, "You are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a Republican," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.
The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met,
but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Mike :)




 
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